Strange Places Guide to the European Union

A long period of blissful ignorance ended when I began learning about the EU and how it functions, or malfunctions. For your education, or if you're suffering from insomnia, here is what I have learned.


EUROPEAN COMMISSION

Who is on it: Every country gets one commissioner, who swears an oath to the European Court of Justice. In theory, they're bound to serve the EU and not their own countries. In theory. 

Why it is important: They cover the day-to-day business, implement decisions, write and propose legislation to European Parliament. Political scientists would call it the EU's executive branch – if it was one person it would be the president or king of the EU.

How it works: Each commissioner has a portfolio, like Canadian cabinet ministers, covering finance or infrastructure or whatever. The European Council (more on them below) proposes the president, based on the results of the European Parliament elections. This is why Jean-Claude Juncker, as a member of the European People's Party, the parliament's biggest party, is the commission president. 

Why people don't like it: The European Commission represents what many Euroskeptics loath about the EU: it's not directly democratic. How else can a former Luxembourger prime minister reach such a lofty position? 

Why countries don't like it: On the other hand, countries like the United Kingdom, Germany, and Hungary hate ceding power to the EU, so the weaker this institution, the stronger they are nationally. This is why these countries and others fought hard against Juncker becoming president in the first place.

What does Marshall think: The European Commission has been a guiding force behind tighter control, including economic control, from Brussels, which would prevent another Greek debt crisis.



EUROPEAN COUNCIL

Who is on it: It's not quite an official EU body. It's more like a summit of the EU countries' leaders – their prime ministers, foreign ministers, presidents, or the Taoiseach, if you are Irish.

Why it is important: They have no real, formal powers and they can't make laws. The one thing they officially do is appoint the president of the European Central Bank, which is a big deal in these dark, Grexit times.

No, but really, why is it important: Okay, okay. They guide the EU in a strategic, long-term sense. This might sound like one of those puppet masters pulling the strings until you realize they have this vision of the future and then various EU bodies and individual countries just do their own thing. Looking at you, United Kingdom.

How it works: It does, and it doesn't. They will jump in to help resolve a big crisis, like the Ukraine, but its success or failure depends on how much everyone wants to cooperate.

Why people don't like it: European politicians really like a European Council President who doesn't make any waves. The last one (he was so blah, I can't remember his name...) was really good at "consensus building," which is a euphemism for not pissing anyone off. Granted, that's difficult to achieve in the EU, but that doesn't mean it's a virtue either. The current president, former Polish prime minister Donald Tusk, is a former political activist who has taken a strong stance against Russia's aggression in Ukraine, despite the economic cost to other EU members.

What does Marshall think: The European Council, particularly under Tusk, has been the strongest opponent to Putin and his expansionist foreign policy. It's been the Council over and over again proposing sanctions and calling for the rest of Europe to back up Eastern Europe, and proving its relevance.



COUNCIL OF THE EUROPEAN UNION

Who is on it: It's made up of national ministers from each country, but the actual membership changes depending on what is being debated and/or decided. If it is a money bill, then the finance ministers are sitting on the Council. Infrastructure means it is development ministers. And so on.

Why it is important: With these names, it's likely getting confusing now. The Council of the EU is part of the legislative branch, its upper house.

How it works: Think of it as an EU Senate, with equal regional representation of its members. It proposes, writes, debates, and votes on new laws. Their decisions must be unanimous, which isn't so easy because their oaths are to their own countries, not the EU.

How it stops working and gets frustrating: Almost everything they pass must also pass in the European Parliament. Parliament can propose amendments and the Council can decide to accept them or veto them. This means a bill go can back and forth between the two legislatures for a while. If this occurs twice, then it goes to a Conciliation Committee. This happens often to the budget, which ensures there is no absurd American-style government shutdown.

Why people don't like it: Once again, there is no direct representation of the voters here – is that a pattern emerging? The whole legislative process gets a little messy because you have politicians representing their countries' interests writing laws that have to pass in European Parliament, where politicians are voting based on ideology or their voting blocs or their local constituency or however they happen to feel about something – it's chaos in there.

Why people really don't like it or really like it, depending on who you ask: These guys (sorry, it is mostly guys) get special powers on the environment and tax policy, so they can write laws and skip the headache of going through Parliament. They like this because Parliament can seem like anarchy to them, but it is a sticking point for Euroskeptics who claim the EU is not democratic (see, there is a pattern!).



EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT

Who is on it: Parliament is elected every five years. It's the only European Union institution that is elected directly by its own citizens. It is made up of 751 Members of European Parliament from 28 countries who represent 375 million voters (I looked that up).

Why it might seem weak: It is technically the legislative branch, but it has no power to propose or write laws. Instead they sit back and debate legislation and propose.

Why it's important: On the flip side, it appoints the EU Commission president and shares budget powers with the EU Council – that matters, because money matters. 

Why it sounds like a lot of fun: It's a democratic free-for-all! Where else will you find Greek Syriza members debating in the same room UK Independence Party? It is Europe's political soapbox. Centre-left parties, like the European People's Party, hold the most seats, but far right and left wings groups, who are largely against the EU, hold about 10 per cent of the seats. They're all in there arguing and pissing each other off! Democracy can be so ugly it's beautiful.

How it works: Yes, it does actually work. It has no power over European Council matters, like customs, extradition, justice issues, monetary policy (beyond the budget), or citizenship. This is likely a comfort to top EU leaders who wouldn't want the crazies (far right or left wing parties) messing with those things, but almost every bill has to come before the European Parliament for a vote.

How it works, day to day: The European Parliament's make-up is an unhappy medium between seats per country and representation based on population. It's strange math that means 500,000 Maltese get six seats, Hungary has 21 seats and Germany, the EU's most populous state has 96 seats. 

One of the reasons Marshall likes it: Parties are based on ideology rather than national interest, and this is encouraged by the EU. If parties can gather 25 MEPs, they can form a bloc to get some funding and seats in committees where they propose amendments to legislation. Outside of the blocs, MEPs can grandstand and vote to their hearts content, but to be effective, you want to band together and push for ideas that are larger than the country you're from.



EUROPEAN CENTRAL BANK

Why am I mentioning the ECB: It's been in the news a lot lately, so it's worth mentioning. But I will be brief because this section is the most likely to induce sleep among anyone with the grace or fortitude to make it this far into this post. 

What is it: The ECB is the EU's money reserve. It's in charge of price stability and the EU's monetary policy. Only the ECB prints Euro notes, a power that was darkly illustrated a few weeks ago when Greek banks had to reset their withdrawal limits from 60€ to 50€ because they ran out of 20s.

How it works: The central bank is separate from the other EU institutions – remember from earlier: the European Council appoints the ECB president. They have to report to Parliament and the European Commission, but they can pretty much do whatever they want. For example, EU politicians couldn't agree on how to address deflation – not that I could either – so the ECB said screw you all and instituted quantitative easing, which meant pumping a trillion Euros into the economy. The issue was so complicated that no one was really that pissed off about it.

Still conscious after that? Good job! Next time I will write another post about beer or history or something.

German Heritage Moment

Before I moved to Germany, I lived in a simple world where I was certain this was the land of beer and sausages.

Many Germans will be happy to point out that Germany is also a land of the potato – without giving any due credit to Poland, Ireland or the Americas. There's some truth to this, almost every dish comes with potatoes.

Even if the country acts as if it invented zee tater, it took 300 years before Germans embraced them.

Its yield from a small plot could feed a family for a year. They are easy to grow and store, and you can do boil them, fry them, mash them, stuff them, or distill them into  – a drink worthy of high school bush bashes.

Despite these advantages, grumpy German farmers – especially the Prussians, who were possibly the grumpiest of all Germans – refused to plant them.

When Frederick the Great became king of Prussia, he wanted to modernize farming to avoid food shortages. This meant potato farming. 

Frederick is mostly fondly remembered for doubling the size of Prussia in conquest – yes, there was a time when German conquerors were fondly remembered – but he also composed music, played the flute, was a big fan of J.S. Bach, was Voltaire's pen pal, and did not live extravagantly.

In our modern, simplistic people-labelling system, Frederick the Great was an Age of Enlightenment Hipster.

His abililty to understand and see trends (he liked Bach before he he was big), made him aware of how much trendsetting power he had. So, he planted potatoes in his garden at Sanssouci Palace outside of Berlin. 

Farmers in his kingdom heard the Hipster King was planting potatoes, and quickly followed his example. Like artisanal organic craft beer today, potatoes were soon everywhere in Prussia.

Prussia became the largest part of Germany and today Frederick is remembered by some for bringing the potato to Germany, and not a conqueror.

Thinking about calling bullshit? At Sanssouci, Frederick's modest palace at Potsdam, people pay tribute to his feat of tater-ness by laying potatoes on his equally modest headstone.


Potatoes laid in respect for the Tater King, Frederick the Great.







12 Lessons on the Road in the Balkans


1) Looking at unexpected places

While bouncing around ideas for places to visit, Ravi and I decided to look into destinations a little less traditional for a couple of North American dudes to visit. From a shortlist of primarily Eastern and Central European cities, we chose Trieste and Ljubljana. 


2) It ain't easy to get to Trieste

It is not easy to make this trip from the Dorf on a budget. I flew to Milan from Dusseldorf-Weeze Airport on Ryan-Air. In the Ryan-Air airport definition book, this means Weeze is nowhere near Dusseldorf, unless spending over an hour on a train and bus is considered close.


3) Bergamo is not Milan

Ryanair needs to do something about how it addresses its destinations, because Bergamo is not Milan. It is Bergamo. Weeze is not Dusseldorf. This isn't the first time I've fallen for this trick. Every time I fly with these jerks I promise not to do it again, until the next trip when I fall for the same thing again. 


4) Bergamo, briefly

Bergamo seems pretty with its beautiful old town up on a hill. It looks pretty from a distance, because with only an hour to wait for my train I couldn’t reach it and had to settle with an assessment from a distance.


5) Brescia. College or town?

All I knew about Brescia was that a women’s college at my alma later was named after it. I had less than an hour to see the city before my connecting train arrived, so now all I know about Brescia is that there is nothing within walking distance of its train station and it has a women's college at my alma mater named after it.


6) Trieste doesn't feel like Italy

If you’re thinking about a trip to Europe (that’s if you’re not already living in Europe) and you’ve already crossed the giants (London, Paris, Amsterdam, Barcelona, Berlin,  Rome, et al.) then I recommend a stopover in Trieste.

It's no resort town and it's definitely not a glamorous place. It is a working-class town, built around a port, which gives it a more grounded feeling than Venice, let's say. It's also affordable compared to the more touristic Italian cities and, aside from the good coffee, Italian shouts in traffic, and the gelato, it feels more Austro-Hungarian than Italian.


7) The most complicated way to flee Italy is often the best

Our trip into Slovenia involved a funicular train to Villa Opicina. Then a one-hour wait for our next train, so we went to a bar that, to our surprise, was holding a basketball tournament in the backyard. 

Figuring we could watch a game before our train, we settled in and waited for them to finish the warm up. But they kept on warming up. One team almost seemed ready to play, but then a teammate brought some beers over to them. 

We never found out what was happening, we boarded our train and went five minutes to Sezana, just across the Slovenia border. No train was running, because nothing stays on the plan on a trip into the East, so we hopped on a replacement bus to Ljubljana.


8) When in Ljubljana...

What's the first thing on the to do list when you arrive to the Ljub? Wandering the old town in the centre? Climbing Castle Hill? Drinks by the river? How about its squatter city? Yep, we spent a night out in Metelkova City, an army barracks which was abandoned and taken over by squatters.

It has some art galleries, graffiti on every available surface, a few bars, and a club with really, really good music that wouldn't admit us because we're guys and it was a lesbian bar. All in all, pretty cool.

Stealth photo in Metelkova City.


9) Ljubljana by Canoe

Let's say you're anywhere in the world other than Ljubljana and you're going to rent a canoe. You'll have to leave a deposit, or provide your credit card number, or give them an organ before you can go on your way. Right?

Not in the Ljub. All you need is a handshake and 20€ to rent a canoe and see the city from the river for a couple of hours. Highly recommended.



Under the glass bridge.

The Ljub!


10) Bringing a Vegetarian to the East

The toil of a vegetarian in Central Europe can be a hard, lonely one. On our first night in the Ljub, we grabbed a table at a traditional looking Slovenian tavern. We looked at the menu of meat stews, grilled meat, and sausage. Ravi looked up from the menu and said, "Maybe we should just get a drink here and get Italian."


11) Rome in Pula

Those Romans built some solid stuff. The roads the traveled on, temples they worshipped in, and the buildings where they sought entertainment were all built to last. Mostlyyou're left with carefully maintained ruins, but it's also refreshing to see Pula's Colosseum still in use to this day.



The centre of attention is different,
but the Pula Colosseum is still used for the same thing


12) Croatia is Cool


An evening dip at Pula.