The Sad Quest for Internet in Germany

A household with no internet is a household cut off from the world. Governments used to provide radios to households, so if there was a disaster or, if you're in Eastern Europe, the Russians were invading, they could let everyone know.

That's not always the case with the internet.

Living in Europe, a continent that has been marching towards integration for decades, you might delude yourself into the notion that internet in Hungary is similar to internet in Germany. Well, nothing could be farther from the truth.

Internet In Hungary

In Budapest, I went to the UPC internet store and gave them my address with some money. A few days later a man came to my flat, installed the internet, made sure it worked, and then left. I had amazing internet speeds for 20€ a month.

Internet in Germany

In Dusseldorf, I went to the store and gave the man my address, with some money. I was told it would take two weeks and another man would call to arrange an appointment to either bring the modem and install it or just drop off the router. It costs 35€ a month.

Two weeks later, no phone call, no appointment, no internet. Also, no customer service, just a machine that eats up your pre-paid minutes as you wait for an operator to pick up who never picks up.

Kata, who I now dub the Internet Whisperer, steps in. She goes back to the shop for answer and also waits on the phone line to find out there is no mechanic man visiting. They did, however mail the modem, but it didn’t make it for some reason.

They mail the modem again. It doesn’t make it into our mailbox, but it does arrive at the art gallery downstairs.

We pick in the modem and unleash the internet! 

It turns out the modem is not so good for providing internet, but it’s great for giving off excessive heat. So much so that we shut it off occasionally to cool it down. The internet is also weak, just a bar or two, at least it's a good space heater – the Russian could shut off the gas at any time, after all.

The Internet Whisperer calls Unitymedia again – a month after I optimistically walked into the Unitymedia store that very first time – and arranges for a mechanic to visit. I’m told the mechanic will visit the flat some time between 8:30am and 4pm. Guess who’s working from home all day.

The mechanic arrives, changes a couple of wires and splitters in the basement and in the flat and then in the basement again. Now we have three bars of internet in Germany, the economic heart of Europe.